Thad Shunkwieler on Mental Health Workers, Couples and Connection

Thad Shunkwieler is an associate professor of Health Sciences at Minnesota State University, Mankato, and a marriage and family therapist. We sat down with him for three conversations.

Why this professor left the classroom for the therapy room. Rural Minnesota does not have enough mental health professionals. Thad talks about how hard it is to recruit and keep them, and how patients who keep changing providers lose the trust therapy needs. He tells his own story: a troubled youth, life on a farm near Edgerton, enlisting in the Army in August 2001, and coming home to find how much relationship counseling can help. He left academia to treat families directly. His point: "Higher ed is great at pointing out a problem and saying somebody else needs to fix it."

Why couples fail. Thad says most couples come in sitting on opposite sides of the room, lobbing grenades. The fight is rarely about folding socks. It is that one person doesn't feel valued because they don't feel heard. He talks about how movies and TV give us a false idea of love, how small unrepaired hurts pile up into resentment, and how couples can heal after a betrayal, including a weekly "white flag" hour to reconnect.

The cultural shift since 9/11. Thad says people were growing more isolated long before 2020, and the numbers have been trending that way for twenty years. He argues that empathy comes from real relationships, and that replying to a post with your own story is not the same as listening. When people lose those connections, he says, the gap can fill with violence, suicide and addiction.

Watch: Why This Professor Exchanged Classroom for Therapy Room, A Look at Why Couples Fail and The Cultural Shift Since 9/11.

To reach Thad, visit Mankato Marriage Solutions.

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